Rocky and Bullwinkle Wiki
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(fairy tale begins with the first of the father's three sons playing bass/fiddle music with his feet, directed by his father using his baton)

Narrator: There was once a man who had three sons. The first son was very handsome and very talented, for he could play the fiddle with his feet.

Father: The boy will make a fortune during that someday.

(the father's second son grunts and lifts a one-ton dumbbell)

Narrator: The second son was very strong and very wise, and he could recite clever verse while holding huge weights above his head.

Son #2: (recites his verse) Out of the blue, a cockatoo flew, boo boo bee doo.

(the second son loses his grip and falls to the ground)

Father: Beautiful. The boy will be famous someday.

(the third son takes a shower in a makeshift bucket, using a scrub brush to wash his back)

Narrator: But the third son was not a bit like his brothers, for he was a dullard and he was very lazy.

(door opens)

Father: Come in out of the rain, son.

Son #3: Yeah, what for?

Father: For a while. That boy will never amount to a hill of beans.

Son #3: Thank goodness! Who wants to be an old hill of beans?

Narrator: Then one day, the old man decided that it was time for his sons to go out into the world and make their fortunes, so he gave each of them some sour cheese, stale bread and a cookie and bid them farewell. The first son paused by a shady tree for his midday meal. He was about to eat his sour cheese, stale bread and the cookie when a funny little man with a long beard and a crooked nose came up to him and said...

Little Man: I am very hungry, young man. Would you share your meal with me?

Son #1: No. I need this food to keep up my strength so that I can play the fiddle with my feet.

Narrator: And so saying, he gobbled his food and set off down the road. A short time later, the second son paused by the tree to eat his midday meal when...

(the little man suddenly appears)

Little Man: Pardon me, young man, but...

Son #2: No! I need this food to keep up my strength so I can hold heavy weights over my head while reciting clever verse.

Narrator: Then, the third son came up to the shade of the old tree.

Son #3: Ahh. This resembles a fine spot to rest...(trips over his lunchbox and falls) ...and have my midday meal. Gee, what a mess!

Little Man: Pardon me, young man, but I am very hungry and...

Son #3: You are? Good! Then you eat this!

Little Man: You mean, you'll let me have your sour cheese, stale bread and cookie?

Son #3: Sure, I may be dull, but I'm not crazy enough to eat that stuff, you know.

Narrator: The funny little man was delighted. And he gave the young man an axe and instructed him to cut down the old tree, then he scurried away. The dullard did as the funny little man had told him and chopped down the tree.

Son #3: TIMBER!!!

(the tree falls on his head)

Son #3: Ooh, that smarts.

Narrator: And there, to the amazement of the young man was a golden goose in the stump of the tree.

Son #3: I'm rich!

Narrator: He tied a string around the golden goose's neck and quickly headed for the village. He'd gone but a short distance when he met a wealthy merchant.

Merchant: Well, I see you have a golden goose there.

Son #3: Yeah, you'll have to admit, it's something you don't see every day.

Merchant: Hmm, I should like to have one of its golden feathers. Uh, would you sell one to me for, say, uh, a nickel?

Son #3: A nickel? Certainly!

(he happily accepts the nickel)

Narrator: Then a strange thing happened, for when the merchant touched the goose's tail to pluck a feather, his hand stuck tight, and he couldn't let go.

Son #3: Don't some of the darnedest things happen in fairy tales?

Narrator: And the lad continued on his way with the hapless merchant stuck behind. They'd not gone far where they met a robber who waved his sword and shouted...

Robber: So, you've got a golden goose, which is something you don't see every day! And I'm gonna steal it!

Son #3: Be my guest!

Narrator: But when the robber grabbed the merchant to pull him away from the goose, his hand stuck tight, and the young man went on his way. When they reached the village, the sheriff saw the robber who was stuck to the merchant who was stuck to the goose and...he also stuck tight. And so it went until an hour later, no less than two hundred and six people were stuck behind the boy and his goose. Now it so happened that the king had a beautiful daughter that never laughed. But, when she looked out of the castle window and saw the long procession stuck behind the goose, she broke into gales of laughter.

Princess: (laughs loudly)

Narrator: Upon seeing this, the king rushed to the young man with the goose and happily proclaimed...

King: You've...you've made my daughter laugh, and therefore, you shall marry her!

Son #3: Well now, that is a good idea. But it's gonna be a little crowded, isn't it?

Narrator: So, the king called the castle wise man to solve the problem.

Wise Man: Do not worry, your highness! I can make them all let go with the seventeen magic words! (reads the problem) "Now, everybody who doesn't want to spend the rest of his life in the dungeon raise his hand."

Narrator: The problem was solved. And so, they were married. Now ordinarily, any young man who has a golden goose and is lucky enough to marry a princess would surely live happily ever after. But such was not the case in this case. Oh, ho, ho, ho! Oh, no!

Son #3: Gee. Because of that dratted goose, I'll be henpecked for the rest of my life, and that's for the birds.

Narrator: So remember, dear friends, if you ever meet a funny little man with a long beard and a crooked nose, don't give him your sour cheese, stale bread and a cookie, or your goose is cooked.

(one of the golden geese honks as the fairy tale ends)

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